“Onye ji onye n’ani ji onwe ya”
“He who will hold another down in the mud must stay in the mud to keep him down.”
Welcome to Step 11. In Step 8, you learned the basics of how abundance manifests in your life. In Step 9, you learned that giving is one of the keys to increasing that abundance, and in Step 10, you recognized that success is a process, not a magic pill.
Step 11 is called Mgbaghara, which in Igbo translates to forgiveness. However, for the purpose of this step, I’d like to give you another definition, which is “unbinding.” Each us happens to be “bound” in one way, shape or form. If you found yourself tied to a fixed location, you will find yourself unable to move any further than the length of your rope. If you were chained to a movable, but heavy object, you would be able to move, but would find yourself very slowed down. And of course, if you were handcuffed to a person, you would be unable to move without them.
If you desire to become “unbound” from any of the things you happen to be shackled to, the best tool to achieve this goal would usually be a key. And today, I will give you 3 ways that you can utilize mgbaghara to unlock shackles you weren’t aware you had.
Master Key #1
The first thing I’d like to show you is how to to “unbind” yourself from the shackles that have been put on you by a particular person. This individual is your biggest saboteur, harshest critic and all around worst enemy. As you’re going through the various people in your life that fit this criteria, I will reveal where to find this person. This may come as a surprise, but it’s someone you’ve known your entire life and is very close to you. To find this person, you don’t have to look any further than in the mirror.
It will indeed be very difficult to someone who has done more damage to your life than yourself. Most of your dreams have been killed before they’ve started by your self doubt and fears. Over the course of your life, you have constantly beaten yourself up over mistakes you’ve made or actions you didn’t take. And as a result, you’ve attached yourself to “heavy” feelings of shame, regret, self loathing, etc. that weigh you down tremendously.
But if you would not trip over what’s behind you, why should you allow your past choices to make you falter today? If you recalled in Step 1, you probably attempted to walk hundreds of times before finally getting it right. And once you successfully took your first step, you pretty much forget all the times you were not successful in walking. What would happen if you took a similar approach today?
Recognize that making mistakes is part of the learning process. If you never made mistakes, you would either never learn anything new or would already know everything. As you learned in Step 5, you are the one that is in charge of your destiny. If you are currently heading in the right direction, would it be wise to dwell on the time you spent following the wrong routes? As long as you are guided by Ako Bu Ije, you will be constantly learning from your mistakes instead of repeating the same ones.
My brothers and sisters, the first key is to forgive yourself. You have the key to remove the shackles that bind you to your past choices or the person you used to be. As you recall from Step 10, everything is a work in process, including you. If you don’t like your present Ikenga, you can create a new one. Once you can forgive yourself, the other keys will be alot easier.
Master Key #2
If you remember the lessons from Steps 8 & 9, most of the good things you have in your life were given to you by others. However, the same can be said for many of the not so good things. The same folks who gave you the physical traits that helped you survive are also responsible for passing down the less desirable ones. The relatives that gave you the most in one area of life may have neglected you in others. To dive even deeper, many of the negative parts of yourself, may not only have been inherited from your parents but even go back several generations. In some circles, these are called family or generational curses.
Even if you aren’t engaging in behaviors that you or others would consider negative, you may want to consider a few things. As societal norms have changed, and cultures have evolved, beliefs and practices judged as acceptable in one time and place would be judged as unacceptable in another. Things that may have been taboo in the past may be seen as alright today, and vice versa. This inevitably means that some of the current beliefs and behaviors that you’re currently engaged in will be frowned upon by people in the future.
With that in mind, the second key is to forgive your family. They are humans just like you, and subject to the same flaws and faults as you are. Furthermore, as you learned in Step 5, you are not handcuffed to the path chosen by those who came before you. If you would like those that come after you to not be very harsh in their judgement of you, shouldn’t you afford the same courtesy to your own predecessors? Use this key to remove the shackles that tie you to negative aspects of your lineages.
Master Key #3
If you can forgive yourself, and forgive your family, forgiving others should be pretty easy. The simple truth is that holding onto grudges, resentment, contempt, etc. towards other people binds you to them in an unhealthy way. By simply forgiving them, you unshackle yourself from this negative bind.
On a side note, forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Nor does it mean putting yourself in a position to be wronged by the other person or persons again. It simply means that you choose to not allow what’s happened in the past to weigh you down in any way. If you truly want to set yourself free, you have been given 3 master keys to do so.
Step 11: I choose to forgive myself, my family and other people. And I will seek the forgiveness of others.
Action items: Forgive yourself, your family, and others. And seek the forgiveness of those who you feel you’ve wronged. And stay tuned for Step 12, which is coming out on July 9. Yagazie (It shall be well with you)!
Daalú ri nne maka ozi a di mma.
I have learned a lot from the 11 Steps and I await the remaining steps.
It is good that we have all these in Igbo culture.
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